When it rains it pours…

Its been on my mind for a while now. I have seen marriages that took in so much investing end within a split second. I have seen “yardstick” relationships go to the gutter faster than a busted sewer line. This got me thinking to myself about a whole lot of things.

Its just recently I read a post from one of my social media followers,this lady was feeling confused about how when she was in a relationship all she would see was happy singles and when out of it vice versa. Brings me to asking,when are we really happy with someone or either way when are we really happy with ourselves? I don’t mean to sound like a psychologist but I think happiness is an individual thing. Once you are totally happy with yourself that is the only time you are in a position to share your happiness with someone.

I bet y’all think falling in love comes with happiness, I know some people who know falling out of love comes with its own happiness. Whichever side of the coin you are, you are entitled to your own opinion. I know people who have been heartbroken real bad and swore not give their hearts to anyone else again.  I also know people who have stayed in unsatisfying relationships just because they want to keep up with the social norms.

There’s nothing wrong with loving someone,heck give them your all for all it takes. But when do we realize we have crossed the line and are giving too much? I understand society isn’t as it was afew years back. Things have changed and so have people. Some of the virtues that kept relationships those days have been rapidly done away with.

People have become self-centered,people have become greedy People only care about themselves. We can’t blame anyone for their actions this is the tight corner society has squeezed us in. Why do people think about themselves? Well if you let yourself get hurt repeatedly you wouldn’t know happiness,and we all want to be happy don’t we? Yes we all want to stay happy, succeed in all our endeavours,come out the best in everything we do and most probably everyone wants to be a reference topic to the rest, they want to walk into a room and hear people whisper in hushed tones “that one made it” 

But where did we lose it? Where did the rain start beating us? Where did we lose track and forgot there was one altogether?

When we let people define our happiness for us.

 I will take a walk down the street see a pretty car and go like..yes if only I had such…

I will look at my neighbors children,see how happy his family is and go like.. I wish that was me..

I will look at my friend’s wife,see how beautiful she is and go like..if only I had that..

We have become selfish we have become greedy we want the best for ourselves.

Going back to relationships, I still maintain; You can never love someone enough untill you have totally loved yourself. In relationships you give what you expect. Look at this way; on one hand you meet someone,maybe at your place of work,at church or even a party. This someone is a complete stranger but the chemistry between both of you clicks and you rapidly go from strangers to friends to lovers. On the other hand you meet someone maybe someone you know or just a stranger,you develop feelings for them (without their knowledge) then you decide to make advances at them. We both know it will take you sometime to convert them into what you want,in some other cases you wouldn’t even make it.

In the latter scenario,its just you trying to change someone to fit within your circle,you will pretend,you will lie, you will compromise and you might eventually end up losing yourself. In the first scenario, there was a mutual connection, you both knew what you wanted,a rapport was cultivated and an alliance was then formed,well after all the formalities were dealt with. You end up falling in love with someone you don’t have to pretend around,you end up falling in love with your friend and knit a strong relationship together.

For anyone out there looking for happiness,for anyone out there looking for love.. y’all better stop,love yourself as much as you can,make yourself as happy as you can.then just maybe you can be able to love someone as much as you love yourself,you can be able to make someone happy as much as you make yourself Happy. Then just maybe you won’t be sacrificing for a lost cause,you wont be losing yourself to please someone else.

Stop looking for happiness,let happiness find you….