SIX FEMALES TO AVOID THIS SEASON
"Men are basically visual creatures they will follow any female that tickles their fancy"... That's what some uninformed females think. On the contrary though, we have a selection process and you would be surprised to know some of the reasons why that son of a woman never called you back even though the vibe was intense. Reader discretion is advised.
1. The girl with 3 ratchet girlfriends.
Make no mistakes if she has a team of ratchet friends she is the 4th. This one can live a double life. She is here in the city looking polished with a borrowed accents but when she goes to the village she goes back to being mkhana wa mama..She will basically pretend through the whole relationship. Run baba....
2. Party Girl..
This one... the life called her and she answered (translated vaguely from mother tongue). This one is unavailable all the time And when she makes time for you its that weekend she is on a "alcohol break" or rather detox that ends immediately after she leaves your digs. This one will drown 12 bottles of GK and take gilbeys bila chaser! She always has a Brian or a Kevin who "toleas her form and she cant angusha Him coz wametoka mbali na ni kama bro wake" Pure lies that dude will dimbua her any chance he gets. BRO! love yourself more.
3. SLAY QUEENS
Bana if you dating this one am praying for you right now. This ng'una will never finish a conversation without saying how you should take her to KFC,Java or XS.. Always on the receiving end..if you let her move in she will take up your personal space with an amory of make up kits and knock off designer handbags. If you have a better phone camera than hers then that's not your phone anymore...she will take over it and install those dark slayqueen apps mbu snapchat mbu shina...She has a phone she cant even put data in and she is always on WiFi from some restaurant where she gets discounts because she is a regular. You want to catch her attention put a camera in her face. Living with this one is like living with a mentally challenged cat.
4.The social media influencers
You wake up at 3 she is already online ranting about the men in her inbox..the same guys like the post and just like that the post goes from zero to 500 likes in 5 seconds! This one is an emotional wreck she is literally on like support. She lives of post likes and if a post she put up doesn't get the attention she thought it deserved she will edit it and tag her social media family.. these are guys who have been trying to smash all along but have been unlucky and now they are enjoying the brozone wishing and praying their queen mother will pick them one day...Don't lose hope ninjas even a brother married his sister afew days ago...You will beat the brozone.You never see her on the ones and if you do...well..You might just pass her by...her real self is nothing like the heavily edited social media pictures. She has every social media account and a massive following of mainly fuckboys and deranged adults who do not know whic dimension they are living in. She enjoys being worshiped..She will address you on Facebook more than she will actually talk to you face to face..Bruh this is a dead end...
5.The traveller Alias the Local tourist.
Those ones with the seatbelt selfie... Andrew Kibe already told you who these ones are so I won't even say a thing. Kwao hakuna gari...ndugu zake hawana magari... Ye ni kudandia tu or is it kudandiwa tu... Leave that one alone. But coming to think of it these men that let these females take a shit load of selfies in their cars....are you ok?
6. Manzi wa ghetto.
This one will beat you up...arrange fo her boys to chapa you a good one. If you are dating one of these..You are aiding and abetting...You are harbouring a criminal. You should be arrested. Or better still just leave her if you don't want to be paying security fees at the end of the month (yaani kutolea boys wake mpango weekend or kula a kichapo)
1. The girl with 3 ratchet girlfriends.
Make no mistakes if she has a team of ratchet friends she is the 4th. This one can live a double life. She is here in the city looking polished with a borrowed accents but when she goes to the village she goes back to being mkhana wa mama..She will basically pretend through the whole relationship. Run baba....
2. Party Girl..
This one... the life called her and she answered (translated vaguely from mother tongue). This one is unavailable all the time And when she makes time for you its that weekend she is on a "alcohol break" or rather detox that ends immediately after she leaves your digs. This one will drown 12 bottles of GK and take gilbeys bila chaser! She always has a Brian or a Kevin who "toleas her form and she cant angusha Him coz wametoka mbali na ni kama bro wake" Pure lies that dude will dimbua her any chance he gets. BRO! love yourself more.
3. SLAY QUEENS
Bana if you dating this one am praying for you right now. This ng'una will never finish a conversation without saying how you should take her to KFC,Java or XS.. Always on the receiving end..if you let her move in she will take up your personal space with an amory of make up kits and knock off designer handbags. If you have a better phone camera than hers then that's not your phone anymore...she will take over it and install those dark slayqueen apps mbu snapchat mbu shina...She has a phone she cant even put data in and she is always on WiFi from some restaurant where she gets discounts because she is a regular. You want to catch her attention put a camera in her face. Living with this one is like living with a mentally challenged cat.
4.The social media influencers
You wake up at 3 she is already online ranting about the men in her inbox..the same guys like the post and just like that the post goes from zero to 500 likes in 5 seconds! This one is an emotional wreck she is literally on like support. She lives of post likes and if a post she put up doesn't get the attention she thought it deserved she will edit it and tag her social media family.. these are guys who have been trying to smash all along but have been unlucky and now they are enjoying the brozone wishing and praying their queen mother will pick them one day...Don't lose hope ninjas even a brother married his sister afew days ago...You will beat the brozone.You never see her on the ones and if you do...well..You might just pass her by...her real self is nothing like the heavily edited social media pictures. She has every social media account and a massive following of mainly fuckboys and deranged adults who do not know whic dimension they are living in. She enjoys being worshiped..She will address you on Facebook more than she will actually talk to you face to face..Bruh this is a dead end...
5.The traveller Alias the Local tourist.
Those ones with the seatbelt selfie... Andrew Kibe already told you who these ones are so I won't even say a thing. Kwao hakuna gari...ndugu zake hawana magari... Ye ni kudandia tu or is it kudandiwa tu... Leave that one alone. But coming to think of it these men that let these females take a shit load of selfies in their cars....are you ok?
6. Manzi wa ghetto.
This one will beat you up...arrange fo her boys to chapa you a good one. If you are dating one of these..You are aiding and abetting...You are harbouring a criminal. You should be arrested. Or better still just leave her if you don't want to be paying security fees at the end of the month (yaani kutolea boys wake mpango weekend or kula a kichapo)
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