The Last Mat
I like "traveling" in the night, this habit annoys my mum and makes her wish I was still a boy so she would pull my ears from here to Timbuktu. Well truth is, I would like to be seen here today and there tomorrow without anyone knowing how I got there, you know soon am going to be a millionaire so am learning the art of being discrete, even more, reason I don't post my girlfriend (this is a lie, mnataka muone ndo mniibie? Nefaa!) Anyway, ni poa kuficha white especially if those aunties of yours from the village are overworking in those laboratories of theirs where they make African science.
So needless to say mi huingia home magizani. There's this matatu am always lucky to catch, the last one. This one carries everyone, and I mean everyone. It's like a trash can on moving wheels. Hio hukua around 9.30 apo usiku. "Maplaya", I learned they call themselves that these days, those touts who had closed business earlier and were catching a beer, mama samaki who had successfully served the town with all her fish from that day and the previous, girlfriends who were coming to their boyfriend's for sleepovers, guys who were going on "seminars", guilty-looking women who don't answer their phones and of course the Masters of darkness like myself.
Most of the time I prefer to plug in my earphones and have a concert by myself but the same curiosity that killed the proverbial cat gets me with an earphone in one ear while the other ear listens to the surrounding in case of an explosion or something like that. (Read to listen to gossip.) The tea here is served hot and sweet. You can't help yourself.
Mara mingi the journey starts silently, everybody maintains their cool, then the matatu enters some petrol station, (but I always ask myself what ritual this matatu guys do, kwani they can't fuel first then come get commuters?). Apa kwa station is where everyone's character swings into play, kwanza waskie Kila stage ni 150! Even myself I always throw tantrums but you find yourself just paying matatu sio yenu utafanya?
It is at that moment some people decide that journey is not worth it or maybe they just get a reason to continue what it was they were doing. You will hear someone make a call probably to a clandestine acquaintance announcing his presence in "town yako". Some will decide to play drunk and cause a scene because what is 150? Pesa kidogo Sana nitalipa nikishuka (we all know how this ends) some lady uko in the back will throw a pity party how she is just from the hospital and doesn't have enough bus fare yet she smells of distinct cheap lodging soap. But who are men, they will pay that fare and make sure they have her number before she gets off. Then there's mama samaki who knows the driver by name and in most cases sits on the first row of seats behind the driver. She only talks to the driver and if the tout asks for fare she casually responds, "uliza driver" and the driver will quickly respond "uyo najua mambo yake" and just like that, that story is finished. I have never with my own eyes seen them pay bus fare. I had them and drivers make the best couples, don't ask me how I was just told.
With all the bus fare shared between the driver and his conductor and those other vultures hanging at the door the journey continues. Of course, there's a buzz in the matatu mostly the touts making fun of each other especially on some very personal stuff. There's this one time they were talking about how lucky " Bibi wa manamba" is. Something about how they eat meat and take tea with milk daily. So, ladies, this is how you want to live? Ati ukichukua Bibi ya manamba atakushinda gharama!... Anyway not my monkey, not my circus, mi mwenyewe Sina nguvu Sina uwezo. These guys will talk about everything from inflation to politics to engine types to types of women. This is my best part because it opens up to a tirade of all sorts of opinions. I would divulge deeper but y'all have been in matatus you know what you say there.
The hype eventually dies down and I put both my earphones in and blast. A laugh a day keeps cancer at bay. My advice to anyone who needs a good laugh, ditch the car and jump into a matatu this is where the real matters are discussed.
Disclaimer: the video beneath is totally unrelated to the story 😊😊
So needless to say mi huingia home magizani. There's this matatu am always lucky to catch, the last one. This one carries everyone, and I mean everyone. It's like a trash can on moving wheels. Hio hukua around 9.30 apo usiku. "Maplaya", I learned they call themselves that these days, those touts who had closed business earlier and were catching a beer, mama samaki who had successfully served the town with all her fish from that day and the previous, girlfriends who were coming to their boyfriend's for sleepovers, guys who were going on "seminars", guilty-looking women who don't answer their phones and of course the Masters of darkness like myself.
Most of the time I prefer to plug in my earphones and have a concert by myself but the same curiosity that killed the proverbial cat gets me with an earphone in one ear while the other ear listens to the surrounding in case of an explosion or something like that. (Read to listen to gossip.) The tea here is served hot and sweet. You can't help yourself.
Mara mingi the journey starts silently, everybody maintains their cool, then the matatu enters some petrol station, (but I always ask myself what ritual this matatu guys do, kwani they can't fuel first then come get commuters?). Apa kwa station is where everyone's character swings into play, kwanza waskie Kila stage ni 150! Even myself I always throw tantrums but you find yourself just paying matatu sio yenu utafanya?
It is at that moment some people decide that journey is not worth it or maybe they just get a reason to continue what it was they were doing. You will hear someone make a call probably to a clandestine acquaintance announcing his presence in "town yako". Some will decide to play drunk and cause a scene because what is 150? Pesa kidogo Sana nitalipa nikishuka (we all know how this ends) some lady uko in the back will throw a pity party how she is just from the hospital and doesn't have enough bus fare yet she smells of distinct cheap lodging soap. But who are men, they will pay that fare and make sure they have her number before she gets off. Then there's mama samaki who knows the driver by name and in most cases sits on the first row of seats behind the driver. She only talks to the driver and if the tout asks for fare she casually responds, "uliza driver" and the driver will quickly respond "uyo najua mambo yake" and just like that, that story is finished. I have never with my own eyes seen them pay bus fare. I had them and drivers make the best couples, don't ask me how I was just told.
With all the bus fare shared between the driver and his conductor and those other vultures hanging at the door the journey continues. Of course, there's a buzz in the matatu mostly the touts making fun of each other especially on some very personal stuff. There's this one time they were talking about how lucky " Bibi wa manamba" is. Something about how they eat meat and take tea with milk daily. So, ladies, this is how you want to live? Ati ukichukua Bibi ya manamba atakushinda gharama!... Anyway not my monkey, not my circus, mi mwenyewe Sina nguvu Sina uwezo. These guys will talk about everything from inflation to politics to engine types to types of women. This is my best part because it opens up to a tirade of all sorts of opinions. I would divulge deeper but y'all have been in matatus you know what you say there.
The hype eventually dies down and I put both my earphones in and blast. A laugh a day keeps cancer at bay. My advice to anyone who needs a good laugh, ditch the car and jump into a matatu this is where the real matters are discussed.
Disclaimer: the video beneath is totally unrelated to the story 😊😊
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